The Mind Replays What The Heart Cannot Delete
by Lifeisaticket
Summary: Michelle and Bill go to dinner, but her mind is elsewhere. Very short one-shot. AU. Pre S4.


_Every day Michelle would put on her clothes for work, stare at her reflection and smile at herself trying to push herself on._

_But the smile never worked. Instead her eyes filled up with tears and she always had to steady herself on her dresser to stop herself from just sliding down to the floor and breaking down completely. The ache she felt in the pit of her stomach always made a reappearance when she woke up to a new day and worsened when the day was coming to a close and she unwillingly shut her eyes to sleep. __Being at work helped, but only a little. She was surrounded by good colleagues, who understood her situation and never spoke of it in her presence or behind her back. They knew her background at CTU and respected her work. She was admittedly quite cold towards them at first but slowly she was thawing. _

_Which is why she was now sat at a table in a restaurant opposite Bill; the one colleague she could trust. He had asked her out to dinner several times but she always put him off. She could just about function – getting herself out of bed, getting herself dressed, going to work and coming back home again. But today when he asked her, she found herself saying yes. _

_She barely touched her starter and main meal, but he still ordered her a dessert. He just wanted her finish something. She barely listened to him all evening, just nodding and smiling in all the right places._

"How is your cheesecake Michelle?" Bill asked as he watched her poke her fork at it but not actually taking any portions.

"It's fine Bill. Thank you." She gave him a watery smile and her eyes dropped back down to the dessert. Bill was being kind; he wasn't to know that this was the dessert Tony always bought as a 'special treat' which was almost once a week.

Realising Bill was talking, she looked up and tried to focus on him, not on the one particular cheesecake 'incident' that she and Tony had on their honeymoon. She saw his mouth moving as he spoke but she wasn't hearing the words.

"_I can't believe you dropped that onto my favourite jeans!" _

"_It was an accident Tony," Michelle laughed._

"_How about this for an accident then, sweetheart?" And Tony lunged at her with a piece of cheesecake in hand and she squealed, before running off laughing hysterically._

Michelle unwittingly smiled at those thoughts, leading to Bill thinking she was okay with what he was saying.

"Michelle. I'm not sure if it's too soon, but…" he slid his hand over to hers and squeezed it.

Michelle feeling like she was having an out of body experience, just stared at his hand on hers. Her heart began to beat faster and she started to breathe heavily.

"I have to go…" she pulled her hand from under his, and stood up quickly knocking her chair backwards and darted towards the restaurant exit.

She stumbled outside gasping loudly, breathing in the fresh air deeply and ignoring those in the queue staring at her.

She moved further down towards the end of the building, turned the corner and leaned against the wall. As she tried to slow her breathing, she thought about what had just happened. She had no idea that Bill was interested in her that way. She thought the dinner invitations were as friends. She thought he realised she couldn't give anything more. She had never even thought of him "that way."

_Did I give him signals? _

"Michelle." Bill rounded the corner and held out her handbag in front of her.

She automatically took it from his grasp and quietly thanked him.

"Michelle, I'm sorry. I'm moving too fast for you. It was stupid of me to think that after all he put you through…" he trailed off.

Michelle looked up at him, her eyes watering.

"I can't. I can't…" Her voice waivered as her heartbreak almost engulfed her. Her shoulders hunched and she stared straight into his eyes, almost penetrating them. "I can't remember a time when I didn't love him." She let out a soft gasp as she heard out loud what she had long been denying to herself since she left him.

A single tear broke away from her eye and ran down her cheek. She fiercely brushed it away with the back of her hand and sniffed hard trying to hold her composure.

"Michelle…" Bill pulled her into a hug.

"I can only apologise, and I just want you to know that I'm here for you. Here as your colleague and as your friend." He could feel her resistance to him in their hug.

She pulled away first.

"I have to get home."

Bill nodded. "I'll drive you." He put his hand up as she opened her mouth to protest.

"I won't hear of it Michelle. I'd feel better knowing you got home safe."

With no fight left in her, she let Bill lead the way back to his car.


End file.
